This Swiss Wellness Retreat Only Feeds You 850 Calories a Day. I Lost 10 Pounds on a One-Week Visit

I’m covered in green mud and standing semi-naked in the hose-down room. A bespectacled attendant in white Crocs sprays me with a jet of water powerful enough to put out a five-alarm fire. Bridget’s not just rinsing me off: This procedure is designed to stimulate my body’s meridians, like an acupuncture session, but the pressure is so high it hurts.

It’s only day two of my weeklong detox, and my patience is already waning. Perhaps my hunger-induced headache is making me paranoid. Maybe the smell of vegetal mud mingling with the barky earthiness of the dandelion-root tea still on my breath is causing hallucinations. Whatever it is, I think I see a glimmer of schadenfreude in Bridget’s eyes.

Though at times I feel as if I’ve been dropped into a dystopian movie, I’m actually at a Swiss facility called Chenot Palace Weggis. While iterations of Chenot spas have existed for decades in Italy, Greece and elsewhere, this flagship location on Lake Lucerne opened in June 2020. It consists of a renovated wooden hotel originally built in 1875, buttressed by a brand-new white-timber-clad wing that houses modern suites and a labyrinthine medical facility.